The Indescribable Horror

       It had been watching and schemeing for untold eons, or was that two weeks? It had flunked interdimensional math and never could get the time- scales right. It didn't care though, it was an Indescribable Horror(tm) and had better things to worry about. [1] At the moment it's attention was focused on a small blue-green planet where it's eldritch senses told it that the probability of an interdimensional rip forming was higher then it had been in two weeks... [2]

       Brian and Foxeris were sitting under the picnic table, since that seemed to be the only part of the surrounding area that wasn't covered with the spattered remains of Yet Another Food Fight. [3] Both our heros were sipping away at glasses of Mt. Dew that they'd managed to rescue before they'd been used as ammunition. [4]

       "I still don't know what I was thinking of when I created Kyri," said Brian as he watched the unicorn in question trying to rinse the worst of the crude from her clothing. "Kyrn needed somebody to talk to he could trust, but I should have created something that didn't draw so much attention."

       Foxeris nodded and said, "You're a furvert, you wanted something like her you could get artists to draw in naughty poses." [5]

       "True," replied Brian with a snicker. "But the only naughty pictures I've gotten have been of Kyrn, and I didn't even ask for them. I miscalculated someplace ..."

       "Uh, move to your left a bit" said Foxeris, staring at something above Brian. Brian moved just in time to avoid getting hit with yet another glob of chili that had eaten its way through the picnic table above him.

       "I suspect we should find a better place to sit, this table is starting to fall apart," said Brian as he watched the glob of chili eat a hole in the ground where it had landed. "I suspect I used too many peppers in this batch, I'll have to cut the mixture with a pound or two of chinese mustard next time."

       The Fates, timing, random chance, and shear dumb luck all combined together in the next five seconds and argued about which of them was going to get the credit for what was about to happen. This time, dumb luck won the argument. [6]

       Turning to crawl out from under the table, Brian spilled some of his Mt. Dew when his glass slipped from his hand as he avoided a splash of chili that was still smoking. At the other end of the table, Foxeris bumped one of the legs with his shoulder as he turned back to see what Brian was cussing about. That bump caused a bit of a Hostess Twinky that was resting on the edge of the picnic table to fall. [7] By shear dumb luck, the Twinky landed in the mixture of chili and Mt. Dew.

       Things got a little weird after that ...

       The IH drooled and screamed with joy as the probablity meter hit 102% and the interdimensional rip formed in front of it. [8] Even as the chili ate at the edges of reality, widening the rip, it reached a tentacle through and grabbed anything living that it could sense.

       "Excuse you Foxeris," said Brian with a grin as the two of them crawled from under the remains of the table.

       "Excuse me for what?" asked Foxeris.

       "Well I'm not the one that far...." and Brian sputtered to a stop as he spotted the tentacle coming out of the ground. [9] "Oh shit ..."

       Before either Brian or Foxeris could even react, the tentacle encircled both of them and pulled them back through the rip in space- time with a really disgusting noise. [10] Then with one final lunge, the tentacle returned, grabbed one of the many bottles of mustard that lay scattered around on the ground nearby, and pulled it in also. [11]

       It was a pretty soggy looking crew that walked back up from the lake where they'd been washing junk from themselves. The Velans smelled like wet canines, the unicorns smelled like wet mythical beasties. About the only thing anybody really liked about the situation was the fact that Kyri's clothing changed from mostly translucent to completely transparent when wet. [12] Then Louis noticed something odd.

       "Hey, where are Brian and Foxeris?"

[1] What, you want me to describe something that is called Indescribable?

[2] or was that untold eons?

[3] The Family nas Kan has these all the time, don't worry, they are profesionals.

[4] Mt. Dew is chock fulla stuff that's good for you, try some.

[5] Brian isn't a furvert, he just plays one in spk.literary. Stop laughing like that, I'm serious.

[6] Random chance came in second, the Fates were third, and timing ended up dead last.

[7] Now you know why people say Twinky's are evil. This one actually jumped into the chili deliberatly, it's working in league with the Indescribable Horror.

[8] If you think I'm going to type in Indescribable Horror everyplace in this story that I need to say Indescribable Horror, you need to try typeing Indescribable Horror a few dozen times yourself. It ain't easy to get right.

[9] Indescribable Horrors are also Indescribablly Smelly.

[10] *pop*

[11] Don't ask what the mustard is for, Brian and Foxeris taste terrible with mustard. Of course, this is an Indescribable Horror we're talking about, maybe it doesn't know the best condiments to use on humans.

[12] And just what are YOU looking at you furvert.